Double Denim

Double Denim is a tricky subject area. Every decade since the 70s has experienced a fashion movement based around double denim. From Jeans and Shirts in the 70s to Mini Skirts and handbags in the 90s (a la spice girls).

I think there are ways of wearing double denim very well, but there are many more ways of wearing double denim terribly. We must remember that since the 90s we are no longer talking just blue, white or black denim, but instead we have a whole spectrum of shades to play with. My proposal for double denim wearing is as follows; grey skinny jeans and a pale denim jacket- OK (only just, but acceptable), Blue on blue never.

I suppose denim accessories is where i have my real issues. Unless you are an art student, you should not be carrying a denim bag. And unless you are a fifteen year old skater, you should not be wearing denim trainers- converse or not.

In general, unless you are Dolly Parton, an art student, or in the 90s- leave double denim alone.

Big Fake Glasses

Fake glasses- Yes. But we should be talking more sexy secretary than Napoleon Dynamite.

Whilst glasses, whether real or fake, are a wonderful fashion accessory, there has to come a time when you say no, no, no. I mean, even Dierdre Barlow has moved on, so don't you think its high time that we fashionista's did too.

Far from looking like Julian Casablanca's or Johnny Borrell, big glasses on indie boys (or girls) do just make you look like a trainspotter. 1. They aren't cool. 2. They look ridiculous and 3. Could you be trying harder?

As a glasses wearer myself i must admit i do like the spectacle look, but i'm sticking, like Gok Wan to the classic, but chic rectangular frame. If you have to change your glasses please don't take advice from flashers or John Lennon.

P.s its nearly summer now, so if you want big frames, get sunglasses.

Sportswear

So, basically rumour has it that we will all be embracing sportswear this summer. I assume the fashion back wants us to look more Sienna Miller jogging then Vicky Pollard waddling.

However, my argument here is that the notion of sportswear is a dangerous one. As an advocator of the heeled trainer (see below), you'd think that i'd be all for sportswear as fashionwear, however i think it is a fine line. A real fine line.

I'm going to suggest that you take only one element of sportwear per outfit. For instance, a jazzy floral or sequined dress, some biker boots (always with the biker boots) and a nice American Apparel hoody. Or the heeled trainer combo as seen below. Or a sporty handbag with jeans and so on and so on. OR alternatively always with the plain tshirt and anything. Controversially, i am also quite a fan of the sports dress (tshirt dress but with added Nike) with perhapos a shirt of something frilly.

So, overall.. if you must do sportswear, do not adorn the lycra leotard, legwarmers and neon leggings Jane Fonda stylee but rather one peice of sportswear to 3 peices of normal sexy clothing.

P.s Hoodies do not count in this sportswear, as we all know that hoodies do no harm at all to any outfit.

Kitten Heels

Allegedly Kitten Heels are back. Now personally i won't be embracing the kitten heel as if we are honest they are only adaquate for leggy ladies who want to feel sexy, without adding too much height. Well, as far as i'm concerned, kitten heels have only one function- to make your feet look like boats. A size 3 looks like a 6, a 6 looks like an 9 and god only knows how big already big feet look in the dreaded mid heel.

There are only two options for tell women in the case of this horrible fashion trend: 1. Ignore and wear only flats or massive heels and get over the height factor. Or 2. Become middle aged and do the two step at a family wedding.

The kitten heel, for all shapes and sizes of lady, is just not appropriate. They are, regardless of whether Chanel or Laboutin is making them, quintessentially middle-aged. (For all middle-aged women worrying about looking like mutton dressed as lamb- just add a pair of your 90s kitten heels for instant ageing "fashion")

P.s. Please note the photo and the length of the foot in the shoe in question. Eugh.

Ugg Boots

Are you an Eskimo? If the answer to this question is no, then you should not be wearing ugg boots.

I'm sure on some of you they look fine, but as an ugg (or pretend ugg) boot perpetrator many years ago i can, for fact, inform you that whilst your feet are super snug, they just aren't attractive or cool. There is nothing, nothing less attractive in footwear then cheap uggs that are being walked on incorrectly. If you insist on wearing uggs then please, for heavens sake, learn how to walk with your feet central to your shoes. Honestly, it isn't rocket science.

Personally, i don't see whats wrong with a chunky pair of biker boots and thick socks if its really that cold. Also ladies, we've all stood in a puddle in a pair of ugg style boots, isn't it horrid?

Now, Ugg style boots in winter i can forgive, just. But in the summer there is no excuse to wear uggs, especially not with bare legs and a denim mini. No way.

Maxi dresses

A tricky subject if ever there was one. The first, and perhaps most important point, never, ever wear heels with a maxi dress. It just looks plain wrong. Even a wedding dress (essential a big silky white maxi dress) in my humble opinion looks weird with heels.

I just can't figure out who looks good in a maxi dress, my gut instinct informs me that it should be a tall woman, but then those pictures of Nicole Richie in her boho chic maxis and head scarfs with jeweled sandals would make me think otherwise. Nic, i take my hat off to you- i think you are one of few women who wear the maxi well. The rest of us i think automatically run the risk of looking like an 80s transvestite.

Abide by these rules and you should be OK. Pay particular attention to rule 5.

Rule one: The maxi should only be worn in the day. Unless you are going to the Oscars, and lets face it, you're not.

Rule two: I must emphasise the point- never with the heels ladies. Never.

Rule three: For heavens sake leave some skin on show. Now personally I'd want to wear a 70s inspired mental maxi with poofy sleeves and the works, but i wouldn't want to advise this, as I'm pretty sure it would look terrible. so lets keep them halter necks, or strapless.

Rule 4: Maxi's only really work with bold prints and patterns. Get stripes away from Maxi's at all costs, you will look 5.

Rule 5: Where possible, avoid wearing the maxi dress.

Hareem Pants

This time last year, i remember conversing with friends in Italy about the dreaded Hareem pant. I was very much con to 'poo pants' as my step mum calls them.

I didn't understand how a baggy crotched trouser could possibly make you feel, let alone look sexy. Also, for the larger ladies among us- chub rub central! They just make no sense. I can see a place in fashion history for the equally as strange; jumpsuit, the bat wing and and even the trouserskirt (remember them?!), but somehow not a massive crotch area (no pun intended).

However, upon the recent exploitation of the jump suit and play suit, i think i am beginning to see the error or my ways. Now, having bought a playsuit- with quite large culotte shorts at the bottom, i think i have slightly experienced what it would be like to wear a hareem pant. And to be honest, as much as i hate to admit it, i liked it. I'm thinking, some slight hareeminess (not talking MC Hammer), a tight fitting vest and some sort of gladiator sandals (i know they've been in fashion for a while, but i just don't want them to go away).

It might have taken them over a year to sell me the idea, but in this instance, the fashion pack have succeeded in converting me to the idea of a baggy wide crotched 'poo pant'- shock horror!!

high- heeled trainers

SO, this will be perhaps the most controversial of my blogs (I realise this is also only my second so not much competition- but i predict it will be controversial still after a few more). I would like to raise the issue of the high heeled trainer.

Now obviously, your first reaction is- hell no! But, i have to admit, and i am ashamed to admit, i do have a slight penchant for this particular fashion disaster. OK, so picture it, some sort of high waisted cropped luxe trouser, a loose fitting vest tucked in, and then some, maybe silky socks, with a pair of sleek (they do come in sleek believe me) heeled trainer. We're talking exquisite fabrics, high fashion, (not an Adidas tracksuit).

Still not keen? I don't blame you, but as someone who has tried them on, there is something almost sexy about heels and sports wear. But i must also remind you, i tried them on, liked them but still did not buy them- after all, even though i do see their attractive side, they are a pretty vile concept.

Note to all: Never take advice from someone that likes the heeled trainer.

Clogs

OK, so i feel pretty strongly about clogs. So strongly in fact that it has caused me to start my own blog!

Clogs on children in Amsterdam- Yes, Clogs on Alexa Chung- No.

As a subscriber to both Vogue and Elle, i have a lot of respect for fashion. However, when is enough enough? Usually i take what they say as a sort of gospel (not in a- "buy nothing until you buy Vogue way" more in a- ooh that's pretty way), but i have to admit, i had to question the fashion guru's when they attempted to make clogs the new it shoe.

There is just nothing sexy, cool or remotely attractive about a wooden shoe- Fact. Even Chungy can't pull off the clog, and as it's a Chanel clog in question, it must be dangerous territory.

So this, my blog, is a pledge to all the fashionistas out there- please please please lets not let clogs make there way into normal life, of course unless you're normal life is in a village in the Netherlands.